What Not To Say at Thanksgiving
As I've gotten older, I've tried to change myself out of "complaining" habits. I try to focus on the good in the world and merely work harder, or try to adjust my outlook when things get tough. So I hope that what I have to discuss with you next doesn't sound like it's coming out of the mouth of a prodigal daughter.
There's something that has astonished and disheartened me as an artist as I've gotten older and been treated differently by both people older than me and by people I might consider peers. Occasionally, I will tout my own horn about projects I'm working on, though I try not to do so overly. Mostly, I try to bring it up if I think someone would be interested in the project I've worked on, or if they might be interested in doing similar types of work themselves. On occasion, either the person I bring it up to or someone else in the room will try to bring me down by making disparaging marks about the project I'm working on, or the arts in general. I would like to think that it's not necessarily just my ego that is hurt by this (though I'm sure it is, somewhat). Mostly, I'm A) mortified by the sheer rudeness of the remark and B) sad that this person and this person's children will be forever barred from practicing or enjoying the arts by their own bitterness towards the entire arts community.
Take for example, a Thanksgiving get-together a few years ago that I attended with a significant other at that time. I was in this extended family's home, whom I had never met, and we had brought wine and goodwill to the host. Everything was going fine when one of the younger cousins brought up the Thanksgiving Day parade, since it was on TV and I mentioned that I had worked on a few attractions in the parade. The cousin was really interested so I tried to tell him how these attractions get made and elaborate on the behind-the-scenes of it all. At the dinner table, this cousin tells his dad (who was the host) "Hey, did you know that Jessica designed some of those floats and balloons in the Macy's Parade?" Between bites, the dad, barely looking at me said "Who cares," and went back to eating. I had never been so mortified by a lack of manners in my entire life, and never felt so sorry for a young kid who might have been interested in the arts at one time.
Another example was in high school, when a friend's mom asked me what I wanted to study theatre for while we were in a car somewhere. I responded that I thought I might want to be an arts therapist and she literally laughed in my face.
From "that's what you get for studying the arts" to "well you shouldn't be surprised you're so poor" to generally disparaging comments about projects I've been associated with or worked on, it is pretty much never okay to say these kinds of things, folks. I would never say to a doctor who's been stressed out by his or her work "That's what you get for going into medicine." It's crude, it's rude, and it's cruel.
So this holiday season, I implore you to use kindness and MANNERS when discussing your family members' vocations at the dinner table. Practice your empathy and your thoughtfulness. You don't know when you could really hurt someone, and people tend to always be more sensitive than you might think.
Okay, I'm down off the soapbox. Thanks for listening. <3
There's something that has astonished and disheartened me as an artist as I've gotten older and been treated differently by both people older than me and by people I might consider peers. Occasionally, I will tout my own horn about projects I'm working on, though I try not to do so overly. Mostly, I try to bring it up if I think someone would be interested in the project I've worked on, or if they might be interested in doing similar types of work themselves. On occasion, either the person I bring it up to or someone else in the room will try to bring me down by making disparaging marks about the project I'm working on, or the arts in general. I would like to think that it's not necessarily just my ego that is hurt by this (though I'm sure it is, somewhat). Mostly, I'm A) mortified by the sheer rudeness of the remark and B) sad that this person and this person's children will be forever barred from practicing or enjoying the arts by their own bitterness towards the entire arts community.
Take for example, a Thanksgiving get-together a few years ago that I attended with a significant other at that time. I was in this extended family's home, whom I had never met, and we had brought wine and goodwill to the host. Everything was going fine when one of the younger cousins brought up the Thanksgiving Day parade, since it was on TV and I mentioned that I had worked on a few attractions in the parade. The cousin was really interested so I tried to tell him how these attractions get made and elaborate on the behind-the-scenes of it all. At the dinner table, this cousin tells his dad (who was the host) "Hey, did you know that Jessica designed some of those floats and balloons in the Macy's Parade?" Between bites, the dad, barely looking at me said "Who cares," and went back to eating. I had never been so mortified by a lack of manners in my entire life, and never felt so sorry for a young kid who might have been interested in the arts at one time.
Another example was in high school, when a friend's mom asked me what I wanted to study theatre for while we were in a car somewhere. I responded that I thought I might want to be an arts therapist and she literally laughed in my face.
From "that's what you get for studying the arts" to "well you shouldn't be surprised you're so poor" to generally disparaging comments about projects I've been associated with or worked on, it is pretty much never okay to say these kinds of things, folks. I would never say to a doctor who's been stressed out by his or her work "That's what you get for going into medicine." It's crude, it's rude, and it's cruel.
So this holiday season, I implore you to use kindness and MANNERS when discussing your family members' vocations at the dinner table. Practice your empathy and your thoughtfulness. You don't know when you could really hurt someone, and people tend to always be more sensitive than you might think.
Okay, I'm down off the soapbox. Thanks for listening. <3
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